Rebecca+H.

I have an assignment to write about the year I was born. I couldn't do it. Why? I don't like my past and don't wish to replay the pain for myself or my mother. So I talked to my teacher. I was going to try to get her to let me do a book report, a research paper, or even a persuasive paper (Becca, you did not suggest this. If you had, I certainly would have given you my OK.). Well that didn't really turn out as I was expecting. Now I have an amazingly nice teacher and she gave me two more weeks to write about any year in my life. I'm so inept that I can't even do that.

I hate writing about myself or about my past. The last time I did write about **mythe** teacher I had at the time sent me to the guidance councilors. He felt that I needed to talk to someone. I more than likely do, however I have had a bad experiences with school councilors. That and if I wanted someone to know anything about my I will tell them in my own time.

Anyway back to the original problem. I needed to give my teacher something to read, even if it isn't what she wanted to read. Then this idea popped in my head while I was trying to write about the year my mom married my step-dad (It feels wrong to call him my step-dad). I get half way then decide that it is turning out nothing like what my teacher wants. [then again this isn't either]. Everyone will be writing about their past and what was happening during the time of their birth.So I'm going to write about my future.

Sadly I'm ending my education with high school. I've had responsibilities thrown at me my whole life. Expectation from birth that I don't want for myself. I don't want to work sixty hours a week and still have trouble making ends meets. I don't want to lose friends because I'm to busy or to tired to leave the house. I don't want regrets. I want to live life the simple way. Now while I see the up side of me not going to college, I don't think my parents will. They will see it as not living up to my potential. I see it as they save money and my freedom.

I see my future shrouded in mystery, chaos, and music. Both of which make life exciting and grand. Like a new movie or roller coaster that was just built at the amusement park. You've never had it and you want it. You have to know the rush, the fear, the knowledge. I know that by doing this (not going to college) could hurt me. But if no one ever went outside the lines we would all be the same.

Please don't go thinking that i don't have any plans, I am an idiot but I'm not a complete idiot. This summer I'm going down to North Carolina learning how to ride and care for horses. My grandparents live there along with a few other relatives. One of which will be teaching me. Lee Gunn (my relative)Is just as excited for me to come down as I am. This trip will teach me a whole lot about other responsibilities but most of all it will help me learn more about myself.

After this summer of soul searching and sore body parts I'll move back up to Pennsylvania. If my parents aren't still royally made at me I will stay with them until a friend of mine and I rent a place together. She will be living at home for her first year of college and I'll be working. That is after I go to bar tending school. Unlike college this will last me a month maybe more. With all the research I've done on being a bar tender I found that they make some pretty good money and they enjoy what they do. I've told a few people about my bar tending plan and have received positive feedback. So far everyone that I talk to see me in this profession. Something I'm taking as a good sign.

My friend and I will probably live together till her last three years of college are up maybe a little longer depending on how well we get along. Then we will split ways. She will have a very successful career in art. She may even find true love not long after she graduates from college. I on the other hand will either buy a small house or rent a place. I will lead a simple life. I don't want kids as of now, but I'm sure I never will. Maybe I'll be married, maybe I will spend my years single and loving life.

What I know for sure is that I will live life the way I want to. Not they way that I have recited since I was six. I know that I will disappoint people (my family and my English teacher). I know I will make some people cry. I know I will regret some of the decisions that I make. But out of the disappointment, the tears, and the regrets I will become a better person. I may not change the world or cure cancer but I'll be happy and isn't that what most people search for their whole lives. Happiness is all that I ask for and happiness is all that I will achieve.

I'm deeply sorry that I could not give you the research project that you asked for. I know that this will hurt my grade very badly. I know that you will more than likely pull me aside after class to talk about this. I know you will be disappointed in me. I know that I have probably hurt you personally in some way. Making you feel that maybe you did something wrong or that you have failed as a teacher. You haven't failed in anyway, know that. Don' t take anything that I have written personally. I know where my decisions are taking me. I'm looking forward to graduating and exploring the grand world that we live in. I hope that you have a wonderful weekend and don't lose that positive outlook that you have.It's becoming harder and harder to find now a days.